It’s been a couple of days and I’m still trying to process what I’m feeling. It goes in waves – sadness, anger, jealousy, fear and, at some points, normalcy.
My true source of comfort really has been all of the blog comments, emails, phone calls, texts, tweets, flowers, cards and everything else that I have received. So thank you so much for that. Really. I had no idea how much this would hurt and how much just hearing people say that they were thinking of us would help. A lot of the comments mentioned Jason as well, and I know he appreciated that too. I only responded to the first couple, but really thanks so much to everyone who left one, even if it was to say that you didn’t know what to say. Don’t worry; I wouldn’t have known either.
It’s funny. When you find out you’re pregnant, the general rule of thumb, if you will, is that you don’t tell people until 12 weeks because at 12 weeks, you’re sort of in the clear. I guess the thinking is that if people don’t know in the first place, if something bad happens, you won’t have to tell them. And while I’m glad that I didn’t announce it to the world, or facebook, I can’t really imagine going through this without other people knowing and giving their support. After writing that last blog post, a lot of people emailed me to tell me that it had happened to them. Honestly, I had no idea. I have a couple of friends who went through it but I generally sort of thought that most people didn’t and if you had a baby, you probably had the baby easily. It really did help to hear that I wasn’t alone.
I went back to work today. That was hard. I spent the last two days basically sitting on the couch watching House Hunters and feeling sorry for myself. Waking up this morning and realizing that, like it or not, I had to move on definitely elicited some tears.
I didn’t get a lot of work done today. I’m not sure exactly what I did really. But by the end of the day, I definitely felt better than I did in the beginning and I’m guessing that every day will be like that and that one day (hopefully sooner rather than later), I will feel normal again.