Coping with Miscarriage

It’s been a couple of days and I’m still trying to process what I’m feeling.  It goes in waves – sadness, anger, jealousy, fear and, at some points, normalcy.

My true source of comfort really has been all of the blog comments, emails, phone calls, texts, tweets, flowers, cards and everything else that I have received.  So thank you so much for that.  Really.  I had no idea how much this would hurt and how much just hearing people say that they were thinking of us would help.  A lot of the comments mentioned Jason as well, and I know he appreciated that too. I only responded to the first couple, but really thanks so much to everyone who left one, even if it was to say that you didn’t know what to say. Don’t worry; I wouldn’t have known either.

Flowers

It’s funny.  When you find out you’re pregnant, the general rule of thumb, if you will, is that you don’t tell people until 12 weeks because at 12 weeks, you’re sort of in the clear.  I guess the thinking is that if people don’t know in the first place, if something bad happens, you won’t have to tell them.  And while I’m glad that I didn’t announce it to the world, or facebook, I can’t really imagine going through this without other people knowing and giving their support.  After writing that last blog post, a lot of people emailed me to tell me that it had happened to them.  Honestly, I had no idea.  I have a couple of friends who went through it but I generally sort of thought that most people didn’t and if you had a baby, you probably had the baby easily.  It really did help to hear that I wasn’t alone.

I went back to work today.  That was hard.  I spent the last two days basically sitting on the couch watching House Hunters and feeling sorry for myself.  Waking up this morning and realizing that, like it or not, I had to move on definitely elicited some tears.

I didn’t get a lot of work done today.  I’m not sure exactly what I did really.  But by the end of the day, I definitely felt better than I did in the beginning and I’m guessing that every day will be like that and that one day (hopefully sooner rather than later), I will feel normal again.

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23 Responses to Coping with Miscarriage

  1. Oh, Lee, I’m so sorry. You will feel normal again. You will. You won’t forget, but normalcy will return. Be good to yourself.

  2. more *hugs*. feeling the loss is important…i think some people dismiss this pain too easily but it truly is a loss, a lost dream of having new beauty in your life. i haven’t been there, but i know many women who have. it is shocking how little we talk about something that is a relatively common experience. that needs to change and we need to open up discussions so women (and men) can feel less alone. too many people feel alone in this type of pain.

    you will be able to move on with your life, and the loss will still be there, but i think you’ll find less and less of your time is devoted to it….it won’t disappear entirely, but you’ll get back to living your life, even if that takes a little bit of time.

  3. I’m so glad to hear you’re moving through it… I know it can’t be easy and I admire any woman who manages going through a things like this. I cannot even imagine. All I can say is that I know there are great things to come for you two… my mom went through the same and ened up with three very health little brats. LOL! Lots to love.

  4. Lee, I’m sending so much love and light to you and your partner right now <3 You are amazing. Powerful. Strong… and believe it or not, this too shall pass.

    Know that you are surrounded by SO much support. And write it out, girl. Let it go.

    Big LOVE!

  5. I won’t lie, normal now will be a new normal. I still think about those days of loss. It does get easier, but it will not be the same. I think we all need that time to actually mourn the loss. It’s different from feeling sorry for yourself. You are definitely moving in the right direction. I’m here if you need me. I’m so glad you have incredible support right now though. Many hugs to you my friend .

  6. Lee, I am behind in my blog reading. I am so sorry to hear this happened to you. I’m going to go back to your other post to read what happened, but please know that I am thinking of you and sending so much love your way.

  7. You will feel normal again, but of course it will take some time. It is amazing how many HAVE gone through this before but don’t always share it, and when you realize you are in ‘similar’ company, I can imagine it is almost warming in a way. Thinking of you!

  8. I’m so, so sorry Lee. (I haven’t been keeping up with blogs much lately, and this title knocked the wind out of me when I saw it pop up in my reader.) It’s a pain no one should have to go through. Many hugs to you.

  9. You are certainly loved. Keep taking the time to go through the emotions and as much as you need. I think it will take a good bit of time to feel normal again. And as Sarena said, it will probably even be a new normal.

  10. Still thinking about you guys. I think it is wonderful you were able to open up about it. Sometimes that is one of the biggest ways you can find healing. Hugs and support, Lee.

  11. Hi Lee, it was really, really hard for me to get back to work as well. I remember the night before I went back, I felt that it meant that nothing had happened and I had to return to my life as normal. I didn’t feel normal, so why should I act like everything was okay. I also felt weird driving to work and almost angry. It was like… “how are all these people going about their daily lives as if nothing happened and everything is the same.” I cried a lot. In fact, I still cry and I’m still recovering. My surgery happened on Nov. 1st and now on the last day of the month, I’m still feeling lost. You and Jason will continue to be in my thoughts. You’re not alone and I would be more than happy to talk or listen anytime.

    • The returning to normal thing has been the hardest part. It’s like these past two months did not exist or something. It’s been weird. Hope you are hanging in there too!

  12. Oh friend, I’m so glad so many people have reached out to show their support and love for BOTH of you. Because truly this is a big loss for both of you and you deserve to feel that support together. I’m thinking of you and still sending strength your way and will continue to do so…I still don’t have the right words, but sending strength and virtual hugs seems like the right thing to do at least. xo

  13. Good for you getting back out there and going to work. I know that must have been hard. But I find getting yourself back into your usual routine after something major happens can help restore normalcy much more quickly. Here for you if you need anything and can’t wait for our Les Mis date! :)

  14. I’m catching up… and I am so so sorry. Thank you for sharing these feelings and your experience. You’re braver and stronger because of sharing this. That doesn’t make it easier to handle, but at least you know so many of us are rooting for you out here. Stay strong… and hug that hubby and pup of yours. They’ll help make it easier. xoxo

  15. I’m so sorry to hear your news. Please know that you are not alone, and you will get through this with the help of your husband, family and friends. Sending prayers and positive thoughts your way.

  16. I’m so sorry, Lee. :-( I know it will take time (and you’ll never forget), but I hope you do find a way to feel normal again.

  17. we’ve been thinking about you a lot over here. sending hugs and love. take care of yourself, and be gentle. it’s a process. and it’s one that you (unfortunately) have to go through.

  18. I feel like such a jerk for just now reading this post. Lee, I am so sorry. As someone who has walked in your shoes twice now I feel your pain. I definitely do not have the answers for you but I do know that it will get better. Life is shitty sometimes and there is no other way to explain it. It doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t seem fair and it sure as hell doesn’t always feel good. I just have to have faith that one day Keith and I will be parents. I may be later rather than sooner and it may not be in the traditional way but it will be. That is what helps me on those days when I start sobbing uncontrollably or those days when I am so angry I could kill someone. I try to remember that one day I will be a mom and that can sometimes quell the storm inside me. If you ever need to talk I am always always here.

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