In Limbo

It’s been a week and a half since I found out that I was no longer pregnant.  (Is there a better way to say that?  Had a miscarriage sounds worse.)  People keep asking me how I’m doing and my answer is that I’m okay.

Physically, I feel fine.  I’ve felt fine since the day after the d and c, really.  I’ve read forums online where people have complained about massive cramping or excessive bleeding, but I didn’t have either.  I really only have this big bruise on my hand from the IV and even that is fading.

Bruise

Mentally, it’s harder but I’m hanging in there.  Each day seems easier.  I spent a lot of last week crying and then I felt cried out so I tried a different tactic of indulging in everything that I haven’t been able to enjoy for the past month and a half.

Starbucks

Sushi

Buchi

And wine.  And while they all tasted good, they all made me feel pretty sad if you want to know the truth.  But like I said, as each day passes, I feel more and more like myself.  But it’s weird because since October, myself has been a pregnant self and for months before that, it’s been a trying to get pregnant self, and now it’s like an in-limbo self.

I’m supposed to go back to the doctor for a follow up visit next Tuesday and I guess they clear me for activity then.  I probably shouldn’t have, but I’ve been going to the gym anyway.  I just really needed to so I could feel somewhat normal.  I’ve only been walking on the treadmill or doing the elliptical for now and think it’s fine.

Really, I’m just waiting until we can try for a baby again (the doctor said to wait two cycles).  I feel like I got cheated out of one this time.

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9 Responses to In Limbo

  1. It was so good to see you tonight. I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this… I hope you can enjoy the treats for now and that very soon we’ll have to meet for cooked seafood instead. :)

  2. LIMBO is the PERFECT word for it, Lee. That’s exactly how I feel. :/
    praying for you!!

  3. That’s one thing I think is easy for anyone not in your situation to forget — you’ve been in the ‘preganncy/get pregnant’ mode for much longer than a month and a half so it is a hard thing mentally to switch gears back to ‘normal’ again – limbo is probably the best way to describe it. I feel for you friend, so much. lots of hugs.

  4. I second what Laura said- enjoy the treats for now. Of course they’re no substitute, but sometimes we have to just appreciate the little things when the bigger things stink. Thinking about you!

  5. ((hug)) I bet it is a very weird feeling and while drinking wine and eating sushi would taste good it would also feel sad, because you know why you can have those things. Thinking of you.

  6. You are in my thoughts Lee. I’m am so truly sorry you have to go through this.

  7. Oh Lee, I’m so sorry to hear it. I wish there were some magic words I could say to make it better. I’m sending healing thoughts your way!! Hang in there!

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