I’m not sure if it’s blogging itself that’s lost its appeal lately or it’s just the fact that I feel like I can’t identify with most other bloggers anymore (some exceptions, of course!) You’d think that if it were the latter, that wouldn’t have any effect on my blogging frequency, but at one point, I felt like I was part, at least to some small degree, of a community and I really don’t feel like that anymore. Maybe it’s me or maybe blogging is a dying trend?
I used to read a lot about people who felt insecure when they read other blogs. The other blogger would be a faster runner or more fit or even have more blog readers. That never seemed to bother me. I have always been at an average runner who’s in okay shape with a very small readership and that was always okay. But then I got pregnant.
Geez, can I write about anything else anymore? Look, a picture of something that’s not a baby.
Every time I take a piece of candy from a co-worker’s candy jar, I have to start a new post-it. My record is 6 days. And I wonder why I still can’t lose all the baby weight.
I have a lot of residual anger regarding my pregnancy. I should probably just let it dissipate but I can’t seem to. Everything turned out okay in the end but weeks upon weeks of hearing that something could be wrong with the baby (and then again after he was born), well that just takes a toll on a person. And when all of that happened, I got a little, “why me?” but it wasn’t exactly, “why me?” It was more like, “Why isn’t anyone I know going through shit like this besides me?” So then I stopped reading happy pregnancy blogs. Jealousy at its finest.
So then I had the baby. And in my mind, I was going to be that mom that I read about. The one that instantly loses all the baby weight and is suddenly a size four, even though I’ve never been a size four like ever, breast feeds and is a big proponent of babywearing and cloth diapering. Okay, I never intended to cloth diaper, but I liked the idea of being someone who did. Because yay earth.
And a big fat none of that happened. See the candy jar post-it above for the answer to the baby weight thing but the rest of it, just not in the cards, I guess. I had this idea in my head that I was going to be this [skinny] crunchy mama but well, I’m just not.
And that’s why I stopped reading a lot of other blogs. Because I need to be okay with the mother that I am. And also, my kid does eat [mostly] organic foods, so there. And double also, I’m wearing natural deodorant. And I think my armpits smell.